Self-motivated and Sometimes Selfish
Motivation. In a relationship, how
selfless is your motivation? Is your behavior, and what you give
(ex., love, wisdom, help, gifts), purely, totally, 100% for the other person,
or is it partly for yourself? We all, at times, don't realize that
we are too self-motivated and, sometimes, selfish. We're not awarae,
for example, of when we behave in ways, and when we give to others, partly
in order to receive from them what we need and desire, what we're, at times,
too dependent upon them for - ex., approval, acceptance, friendship, love,
happiness, respect,
praise, help, for being thought of as knowledgeable, wise, spiritual,
helpful, accomplished, successful, powerful, special, superior. Because
we're not usually aware of when we're doing any of these things, we need
to carefully examine the motivation of our behavior and our giving in order
to see if we're being totally selfless, or too self-motivated and, possibly,
selfish, because we're too dependent upon others for meeting our needs
and desires.
To me, the difference between being too
self-motivated and being selfish is that when one is too self-motivated,
one is focused on, and giving something to, someone else, and not realizing
that the reason is, in large part, to receive something in return that
one needs and desires for oneself. To the extent that this behavior
is for oneself, it might be considered
selfish, in a lesser way. Selfishness, however, is behavior
that is focused on oneself, and not the other individual. Webster's
dictionary definition of selfishness is being "concerned excessively or
exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage,
pleasure, or well-being without regard to others."1 Even a selfish
act, however, can be rationalized and justified by the person who is being
selfish, to make it seem to him or her that it is the right thing to do,
and that it is best for the others involved. No one likes to think
of themselves, or to be thought of by others, as being selfish, but we
all are, at times, even if we're basically very giving, caring, and compassionate.
We all need to become more aware of when we're too self-motivated
and selfish, and try to become more selfless.
Being too self-motivated, possibly selfish, and not being aware of it, can cause major problems in relationships, because when we give in order to receive what we need and desire, and don't receive what we think the other person should give us in return, we may get hurt, angry, resentful, critical, judgmental. There may be arguments, conflicts, and we may begin to close down emotionally. Problems may grow, and they may lead to separation, divorce. Unselfish love is vital to a good, harmonious, fulfilling relationship, and we must learn to love more unselfishly, the way the God in us loves.
There are many negative (and positive) characteristics of each sign. Selfishness is the most important negative characteristic of the sign Scorpio. That doesn't mean that Scorpios are selfish. Scorpios can be very loving, caring, selfless, spiritual, etc. If an individual is a Scorpio, however, and important part of their life purpose is to become more aware of when they're being selfish, and to try to become more unselfish. Selfishness is something that not only Scorpios need to become more aware of and work on, but also non-Scorpios who have the sign Scorpio in their charts in some important way - ex., Scorpio rising, the moon, Mercury, Venus, or Mars in Scorpio, strong, negative Pluto or Mars aspects (because they both rule Scorpio), or planets in the 8th house (which give a Scorpio influence because Scorpio is the 8th sign).
Selfishness is usually associated with the
ego, and with an ego that is more concerned with fulfilling its own needs
and desires. The ego is more associated with the fire signs - Aries,
Leo, Sagittarius. When positive, the natives of these signs can have
strong, healthy egos, be very positive, confident, and optimistic, and
be very warm, loving, and giving. When negative, however, their egos
can be a problem, at times, and they may be too self-centered and selfish.
The most important negative characteristic of Aries is the human ego.
An important part of their life purpose, therefore, is to become more aware
of their egos, to work at overcoming their egos, and to become more humble
and selfless. They must identify more with their Divine Egos, and
work at becoming more of their spiritual selves. Leos are known for
needing to be the center of attention, at times (just as the sun, the ruler
of Leo, is the center of the solar system), and they, too, can be too self-centered.
Leos have strong egos and strong wills (their symbol is the lion, and their
key phrase is "I will"), and when they're negative, they can be
too strong-willed and too self-willed, selfish. When positive,
their strong wills help them to achieve their goals and deal with life's
difficult problems. Leos are natural in positions of power, authority,
and they make good leaders, managers. Sagittarians have a need
and desire to ever grow, expand, to be more, to do more. When this
is positive, it can mean great spiritual growth, service and success.
When negative and self-motivated, however, it can mean having a big ego,
selfishness, and desiring and getting more for oneself. One does
not havae to be an Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius to have those three fire
signs be important in one's chart. Those signs, for example, can
be one's rising sign, or one may have the moon, Mercury, Venus, or Mars
in one of the fire signs. And those signs can also be indicated by
planetary aspects and house positions. Everyone, of course, has an
ego and, therefore, can have an ego problem, at times, and be selfish because
of it, not just the aforementioned signs.
Having too big of an ego can be a source of selfishness and being too self-motivated, and so can having an ego that is too weak. When individuals feel that they're not good enough, in some way, when they have low self-worth, low self-esteem, when they're insecure and fearful, they often become too dependent upon others for what they need and desire, and their behavior and giving, therefore, may become too self-motivated and, sometimes selfish, without them realizing it.
In conclusion, unselfish love is an extremely
important quality of ideal love. We all need to more aware of when
we are too self-motivated and, sometimes selfish, and we all need to try
to love more selflessly. Only God's Love is totally unselfish,
and if we want to love more like God does, we have to become more of our
God Selves.
1. Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary, published by G.&C. Merriam Company, 1970, page 785